Posted 20 hours ago

Notes on Heartbreak: From Vogue’s Dating Columnist, the must-read book on love and letting go

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The person I’m speaking to directly [in those sections] is a really idealised version of someone and as time passes my view of them becomes a bit more realistic as I was able to handle the truth of it and see the situation as a three-dimensional thing. Whereas it’s mad how terrible heartbreak is and you feel you’re never going to get through it but you do. It felt like this book was created for me, to help save me from my wallow and self pity in the wake of a recent, blindsiding breakup.

Reading about Annie Lord’s pain, jealousy, anger, sorrow, self-pity, regret, and numbness left me feeling connected to her in a way I haven’t felt with many books.I don’t feel embarrassed when I’m writing about myself because I’m a massive oversharer even in person, but it does affect how other people see me which is crap. It’s the type of romance I always daydreamed about, but never experienced, and I actually loved being inside that world for a little bit. Dark, fierce and raw, Notes on Heartbreak is a love story told in reverse, starting with a devastating break-up. I can see a house without his belongings, I can see me cooking for one, but he’s always there, getting jealous, bumping into me at parties; he always comes back.

I also think it’s wonderful how despite initiating the breakup, Annie really humanises Joe and doesn’t make him a villain we’re supposed to dislike. We feel Annie's pain with her, join her as she begins to heal, and cringe or laugh in recognition of our own experience as Annie charts her attempts to move on, from disastrous rebound sex to sending ill-advised nudes, stalking your ex's new girlfriend on Instagram and the sharp indignity of being ghosted. Men say women aren't funny and I think that's because they need a badum-bum-tish punchline; they don't see that the humour is riddled through everything we say, so that evervone's always laughing a little bit. I’m a fan of Dolly Alderton’s writing and having read Annie Lords column in vogue I really thought this was going to be special. It’s been almost two years now, and my life is so much better than I ever thought it would be, and despite the pain and anger that the end brought to my life, and to that of my almost adult children, I have no regrets.

The part I love the most though is how she rediscovers herself and starts to make all these realisations about the many ways in which she lost herself and didn’t take care of herself throughout the relationship.

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